Welcome to Ideothetic Flow! A passion project sharing my reflections on life, being a better person and building a kinder world.
If this resonates, do subscribe so we can stay connected. New post every 2 weeks.
Hi!
We welcomed Levi into the world two weeks ago, slightly after my last post was sent out. Fortunately it was a smooth delivery and both wife and baby are in good health. Here’s some fanservice for those who like baby pictures:
We have help from a confinement nanny up till the end of Feb, so we get to slowly ease into learning to manage multiple children. The real challenge will start after this month, when our nanny leaves and I go back to work.
Having to adjust to Levi, and still getting Joy into the rythmn of school, I suspect these few months are going to be a blip where I won't have the space to do much for my own growth.
Being in a state of inaction makes me uneasy. I've been questioning my career direction the past few months. There's a pressure to want to try and do something to feel like I am addressing that uncertainty. The insecurity compounds as I feel like everyone else is making progress, working on some exciting project or advancing their careers. I am left jittery from doing nothing.
It is stupid to think I am doing nothing though. As long as I exist, I am always doing something. Even if I am changing a diaper, or playing some mindless game, I am still in a state of doing.
The problem is that it doing anything only seems to count if when the doing is tied to growth. It must lead to something new, something more. We need to be building or learning. We need things with tangible results that can go onto a CV. We need to see change.
Humans are fixated with growth. Now that I have 2 kids, it won't be long before someone asks me about having a third. Flyers at my door tell me it's time to upgrade to a “better” house. We must always be moving forward and having more.
We give growth this prominence because it comes with a promise that things can get even better. It is also tangible and noticeable. Much like how I announce Levi’s birth here, but it is only one small moment out of many important ones in this parenting journey that I am unlikely to mention.
This makes us forget that there are other forms of “doing” that are equally important though not as glamorous.
Maintaining. Time decays all things. Our bodies need repair, homes need cleaning, relationships need rekindling. Growth only offers a distraction, to give something new to notice so we forget about the decay. Perhaps it is also because we are so afraid of that decay that we obsessed over growing. Keeping things the same is important work too, and no less valuable than making something new.
Pruning. Growth has a natural limit. Imagine if our bodies grew endlessly. Unchecked growth becomes a dangerous cancer. A good garden does not have plants growing rampant, it has to be pruned to keep it neat and beautiful. In our lives, we tend to be faster to add than to delete. Time spent pruning is important to edit out the unnecessary or harmful things in our life.
Waiting. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to wait. Some friends used to laugh at my fishkeeping exploits where fish would always die because I was too excited about constantly adjusting the tank. I never gave it the time or space to settle on its own. Many things need to take the right amount of time, and trying to hurry it along only makes things worse.
Over the next few months, I’ll likely have to keep reminding myself that all these other forms of doing are important too. Why do I need to grow? When can I stop? Knowing what is enough is the greatest mystery, one which likely has no answer I can logically deduce. I can only find the courage to say that where I am is good enough, and I don't need to move forward any more.
Have a good week!
James
Other things…
Everything must be paid for twice (Raptitude)
Simple Sabotage Field Manual, Strategic Services
An interesting read on how one can innocuously destroy an organisation through bureaucracy. One of the reasons I feel jaded about my legal career is that sometimes it feels doing these are literally my job scope.
Zwicky Box Template (nesslabs)
An interesting tool for creativity.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
If you enjoyed reading this and would like to support my writing, do subscribe or share this with a friend.
Take care and have a good week!
James