Welcome to Ideothetic Flow, my newsletter sharing my reflections on finding balance, sufficiency, and security.
If this resonates, do subscribe so we can stay connected. I post every 4 weeks.
Hi!
Its been an exciting few weeks. We held a birthday party for Joy and invited her whole class. We've now entered this new phase of parenting where our children have their own circle of friends.
We then managed to grab a weekend trip to Langkawi, where we parked ourselves in a hotel and did nothing. I somehow managed to trip and aggravated my injured ankle, setting back the last few months of work rebuilding it. Other than that, it was a nice break, and the kids really enjoyed playing on the beach.
Finally, thanks very much to my wife who secured tickets, I watched the Eras tour. Seeing Taylor Swift live was even more amazing than I expected it to be. I'm not the most intense Swiftie out there, but I didn't expect the wave of emotion I felt in the moment she appeared on stage.
I've been listening to her music for over 18 years. Every part of my life from that time, whatever hobbies I had, who I was and who I thought I'd become, has disappeared by now. Amidst all that change, its comforting to have this constant. Taylor Swift is still writing songs and I'm still listening to them.
Stop anticipating
The few days leading up to the concert were filled with anticipation, especially with all the hype building up over the first 3 nights. There was an impatience for my turn to arrive. As I count down the days, its hard to properly focus on the other things I needed to get done, hoping I could accelerate to the critical moment.
Its hard to avoid this feeling of anticipation for such a big and exciting event. Its the same for upcoming major life changes, or maybe a long holiday. Its also common in daily life, I regularly find myself thinking about an upcoming difficult conversation, or waiting for an urgent email to come in.
Some people thrive in the feeling of anticipation and enjoy the excitement. Some others are great at blocking it out altogether. I'm neither. Anticipation paralyses me and takes away my ability to focus. I find myself constantly checking my phone or refreshing my inbox when expecting a message The anticipation about a very daunting piece of work or even a challenging stage in a game might cause me to procrastinate.
It happens when I'm sparring too. Whenever I fixate on what my opponent might do, I flinch and take the worst hits. Its when I keep a clear mind and let myself respond naturally that I do my best.
I'm trying to keep the same clarity in my daily life, and prevent my mind from being caught up on things that are to come, or ruminating about what might happen. So much time is wasted on doing that, or worse, I might have already built up a narrative of what may happen in my head and build up emotions that lash out for no reason.
Once, I was getting home later than expected, and braced for Alcina being upset with me. As I drove, I found my thoughts already becoming defensive and and angry, as if she had already raised the issue. Alci did no such thing, welcoming me back as if nothing had gone wrong. Yet I had, for no reason, already absorbed all those negative emotions.
There's a line between anticipation and preparation. Preparation is tangible steps to put myself in a better position for future outcomes. Anticipation is simply thinking about the future without doing anything about it.
Things will happen whether I think about them or not. Worrying in advance doesn't make things hurt less. So I want to be directing that headspace to more productive pursuits, or at least on preparation rather than just anticipating.
Its ok to leave something on the table.
I can’t resist a second Taylor Swift inspired reflection.
Amongst all the exciting news around the concert, there was another set of stories of people who got scammed trying to get tickets to Eras.
I didn’t manage to get a ticket through the normal channels. The opportunity only came about when I heard Alcina's colleagues needed to sell extra tickets they bought. I was more than happy to take them off the hands of a fellow fan.
I had a bottom line though, I would never buy from a stranger, nor would I buy from anyone selling at a profit. As much as I know how much I’d love the show, I felt I only should go if fate willed it. Even if I didn't go, I'm no less of a fan, more importantly, I'm no less of myself. (A part of me wishes I never saw the show - I realise now that post Taylor Swift depression is a real thing.)
This seems hypocritical for me to say since I had the fortune to catch the show, but I think its important that we all refuse to buy from people who would try and flip tickets or merchandise for a profit. Its the only certain way to beat this black market.
It's like that old catch phrase around wildlife conservation “when the buying stops, the killing can too.” As much as it would hurt not to catch Taylor Swift, I'm sure it hurts even more for a ticket scalper who has no interest in Taytay to be stuck with a thousand dollars out of pocket and tickets they can't sell.
We have to be willing to leave something on the table, we have to be willing to let the opportunity pass.
This isint confined to concert tickets. Everyday I receive some new spam message in my phone, or hear some news about someone's life savings being scammed. The most scary of all is news about people being human trafficked into scam sweatshops.
I believe these industries are possible because we feel a need to optimise our lives, and maximise our opportunities. Fans can’t bear to pass up a chance to catch the concert. Others can’t bear to pass up on easy cash, high investment returns, or chances at finding a perfect partner.
Its ok to leave some value on the table. It doesn’t make us any less of a person. Instead, obsessing about maximising consumes our existence and humanity - its looking completely inward.
Its ok because, even if we don’t realise it, we’re always leaving something on the table. We only fail to realise it because our cognitive biases focus on things we can measure.
Everything has some kind of price. We must not only be comfortable with that, but embrace it, that everything good comes with a corresponding cost of some kind. We must accept that nothing good ever comes easily. Loving a superstar singer means there is a chance you can't get a ticket to see her because she has so many other fans. To resist feeding into a black market is as much the role of a fan as it is to watch the concert.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
If you enjoyed reading this and would like to support my writing, do subscribe or share this with a friend.
For tarot based reflections and journal prompts, check out @thecenterline_ on IG
Take care and have a good week!
James