Spend less effort trying to make things perfect
Pristine things have no story. My toddler's scribbles into my notebook
Welcome to Ideothetic Flow! A passion project where I share my reflections on being a better person and building a kinder world.
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Happy Chinese New Year! Wishing all of you a healthy and prosperous year of the Ox!
This new year is rather different for me. My wife has been hospitalised for over 2 weeks and finally got discharged yesterday, but will still be awhile before a full recovery. I’ve felt quite challenged holding the fort back home. The rest of the family doesn’t have much mood to celebrate either.
The last few weeks are a reminder of the importance of health and family. I have also to be grateful for how fortunate I am. We are not stressing over finances. We have the option to slow down at work to recover and focus on self-care. We have support networks to ease the strain. With all this, we already feel tested. It must be so much worse for those in similar circumstances but lacking the same capacity I have. I feel for them greatly.
Pristine things have no story
I was coming to end of my bullet journal notebook, and left a new notebook out on the table to replace it. It didn’t take long for Joy to climb up the table, find some stationery, and start scribbling in it.
My first instinct was to stop her from ruining a brand new notebook. I was too late anyway. Its hard to be faster than the impulses of a two year old. I then started to ask myself, why bother to stop her? Is what she is doing really so bad?
From a different perspective, this it not a spoiled page but a valuable one. In its own raw way, it holds a story of this unique point in Joy’s life. Her curiosity, innocence, learning, and desire to try and be one of the adults. Soon she will grow up. My blank notebook would not be interesting to her anymore. Her drawings will be filled with different meanings.
There is an irrational impulse to protect our material possessions. To maintain them in a pristine condition. To feel unsettled when they are damaged. This impulse to protect things from even the slightest harm is unnecessary stress, and distracts us from properly enjoying life. Rather than trying to keep Joy from messing things up, I could be spending quality time with her instead.
What is the problem with some scratches, stains or blemishes anyway? Brand new objects are lifeless. Each imperfection on the other hand, can house a story about our lives. This is far more valuable. Those memories bring back far more emotion than seeing something in perfect condition.
Seeing these pages in my notebook, or that missing save file from when Joy grabbed my Nintendo Switch, I am reminded of time spent with Joy. It fills me with a sense of warmth rather than being upset at the damage.
This extends into life. Real life is far messier than the picture perfect images that consumer marketing curates for us. Whether decorating a home, building a career, holding a wedding, it is unlikely to go the way we imagined it in our heads. Fighting to exert control over life and manifest that reality will only leave us unsatisfied. Better to accept that things won’t be perfect, and focus on noticing what is valuable in the imperfect moments, realising that they are parts of life that are truly memorable. The stories of those moments are what we will look back and remember fondly.
Expecting perfection distracts us from applying that energy to doing good. Whether for ourselves, or others. Appreciating that life is imperfect allows us to make sacrifices. I can accept some things being out of place, and focus on doing something good for others.
Happy 2nd birthday Joy. It has been such a pleasure to have you around the past two years, and I look forward to many more.
Have a good week!
James
Other interesting things
Parliament passed a motion on climate change, declaring it a global emergency. I am glad to have participated in helping out with the research and consultation sessions for this motion. Not only is protecting the environment for future generations of great importance, I think the push towards a greener economy is a good opportunity for Singapore to differentiate itself from others.
Is culture stuck? - An observation that culture is no longer changing due to mainstream media preserving a status quo (like how every movie is either a superhero movie based off old superheroes, or a remake of a classic), and algorithms predicting what we want based on past decisions and offering similar choices, preventing new discovery. I have always found some discomfort with the amount of algorithim based suggestions we now live in, and this piece helped to give an insightful angle to the problem of such algorithms.
My brother’s online store, Foster Foods, has been nominated in the World Gourmet Awards 2021 for the Distributor of the Year award. Would really appreciate if you can go and vote to support his small business. Check out his shop for some really good quality groceries. Key in the code “JAMESFRIEND” for a discount.
Thanks for reading! I do hope to hear about your thoughts or ideas!
Let me know by emailing me at jameschanwz@hey.com, leave a comment, or starting a conversation on whatsapp.