[Open at the Close] A new column of letters to my kids
BooksActually. Compromising the self for a career.
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Hi!
The recent expose by Rice Media about BooksActually and its HR problems caught my attention these two weeks. It reminded me of my previous reflections on the culture at Away, and how charming businesses can have dark secrets.
A side effect of parenthood is that stories like these make me think - what if it was my daughter in this situation? Eventually my children must leave any direct protection I can offer. I can only try to equip them with the right principles about life to handle their own challenges as an adult.
My parents and I were talking to my younger brother over dinner about issues he was facing with his work. We all felt he was viewing things with the wrong perspective. But, whatever advice my parents (or even I) tried to give was brushed away.
I imagine this will happen to me with my kids. They will reach that teenage/young adult age, where their Dad knows nothing. I would be too old to understand the world as they see it. Even if I had the best piece of advice to take their problems away, they wouldn't listen.
This inspired me to start a new column of sorts in this newsletter which I will name “Open at the Close”. Posts with this tag would be reflections addressed specifically to Joy and Levi. I hope that, if they find themselves in need of guidance, they can find something useful here in the thoughts of a younger James, who might understand them better because he is still struggling with his own problems of finding his place in the world. I believe by writing these in advance, they would also have more weight, and won’t be seen as advice that is simply disagreeing with anything they say. I won’t have a fixed schedule for this, and will write it as thoughts appear.
For those of you reading it in the present, I hope it is useful or at least entertaining to you, despite being pitched at a rather specific audience. Let me know what you think of this format!
I also invite everyone reading to leave a comment of your own pieces of advice for my two offspring (or maybe to save it for your own someday).
Have a good week!
James
Open at the Close - When you’re asked to sell someone your soul for a career.
Hi Joy and Levi!
I wonder if the links will still work by the time you read this. Here’s a summary just in case. BooksActually is a charming independent bookstore, the kind of place that would be a dream for many young adults with a passion for the arts and writing. Joy, at the time I write this, you’re obsessed with Beauty and the Beast. This is the kind of place Belle would love to work at.
Sadly, behind the dreamy facade, are allegations that the bookstore’s owner made inappropriate advances towards his young female employees, failed to treat them fairly as employees, and blurred the lines between personal and professional. Despite these problems, few spoke up, because they felt it necessary to compromise themselves for the sake of a store they believed in, or because they feared speaking out would destroy their career in the arts.
Whether or not all the allegations are true are irrelevant by the time you can read this. The message I want to leave you is to stop and think before you let anyone compromise your well-being or values just because they appear to be offering you a dream career.
One of the lines that jumped out to me was this:
“Once in a while, he’d have an angry outburst and abruptly declare that he knew many people in power; that whoever offended him would never have a career in the arts if he said so.”
It triggered me because, now, having worked a few years, I know it is a stupid thing to worry about. Yet this left exploited employees afraid to speak up, and willing to let themselves be hurt to give the business far more than it deserved.
I can understand why they were afraid. This idea is drilled into us from young (and hopefully has changed by the time you go to school). We are told to tread lightly around all the various “influential” figures when they grace us with their presence. Offend them and they might end your career forever. Astonish them with some brilliance and they might have you set for life.
I am lucky never to have been in such a drastic situation, but I won’t deny that this thinking has played on my mind. I am definitely more guarded, and watch what I say when meeting some senior lawyers as a student, or running into the managing partner in the lift as a young associate. On hindsight, I need not have done any more than accord them the same respect I would any other human. I can be myself, and I don’t have to change for their approval. Maybe being more natural might have been better for building a real relationship with them.
How many people truly have the power to kill your career with a whisper? We are all human, with our limits. Even the most powerful world leaders have constraints. The most influential person has his or her own gaps or detractors. Sure, they could create some obstacles in the short term, but never damage which is absolute and final. There are always other ways to get to what you want.
Any career or endeavor that is surviving only on the whisper, approval, or praise of some other person is too brittle to be worth your soul. If that path is worth pursuing, it would see your passion, your ability, and your contribution, which can’t be taken away easily by that whisper.
You do need to network, know people, and have their respect. But, this is different from selling yourself for someone else’s approval. Focus on your actions. Doing good work. Treating others well. Having good character and moral compass. These are indisputable. For each person who says you must make a Faustian bargain with them for success, I believe there will be many others who will want to help you succeed for no price other than believing you and the world is better for it.
When you start your journey, there will be many people that seem like giants around you. They will have more experience, more answers, more passion. They might seem worthy of your idolisation. They have so much wisdom to impart, or such a great mission you need to support. It may seem that it is worth compromising yourself for their sake, because they offer something you can never get elsewhere. In truth, when the gap between you and them is narrower than you perceive. Be patient and soon you’ll have as much ability, and perhaps your own amazing mission. You will realise they were struggling in their own ways.
I hope you keep in mind that you have your own infinite potential, comparable to everyone else. I suppose it is my responsibility to keep reminding you of this. You can do your own amazing things without needing the permission of some other person. If you find yourself working with or for someone, then you are there because they need you, because you bring some value to them. This is true even if you are in the most junior position possible. There is no shame to insist on being treated fairly for your value.
Finally, your value as a person is not tied to any particular passion, career, or identity. It does not matter if you cannot become a dancer, a scientist, a CEO, or whatever it is you are aiming to be. Your value simply exists because you exist. I know this because I am experiencing that value right now, with each day I spend with you.
Love, Dad.
Other things…
The Curious Bunch
A shout-out and thanks to Vidya from The Curious Bunch for sharing this newsletter! I highly recommend Vidya’s curation of resources, tools, and ideas, which are a constant source of inspiration for my writing and learning.
What if people dont want a career + Rage of the career defenders
A pair of articles which I felt captured the problems and skepticism around careers. Careers and employment aren’t truly around productivity and results, but around submission to the institution.
How to run effective meetings - the Holacracy way
A different take on how to make meetings more effective. I particularly like the assignment of a facilitator and having a clear triage round for resolving issues.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
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Take care and have a good week!
James