Welcome to Ideothetic Flow, my newsletter sharing my thoughts on empowering oneself to find balance, sufficiency, and security.
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Hi!
Going forward, I’ll be posting every 4 weeks instead of 2.
I’ve always felt proud of myself for religiously posting every fortnight for almost 5 years now. However, with 2 children, I felt this change is necessary to better align with my current pace of life. More time is spent on regular and routine things. There is less excitement worth talking about. Spacing out my posts will let me gather more of my life so updates are more meaningful.
In martial arts, it is sometimes talked about how some people wrongly focus on the number of techniques known, and spend energy collecting new techniques rather than perfecting a few good ones. I’m also feeling that I ought to spend more time consolidating and thinking deeper about the ideas I have been exploring, rather than collecting new ones without putting them into action.
Spacing out my posts more also helps me manage my time better. Firstly, to put more thought into each post. As much as our email inboxes can store emails infinitely, we lack the infinite time to read all of them. If you do grace me with your time to read this, I want to make sure it is worth that time. Secondly, so I can (hopefully) start on some new side projects that have been nibbling at my mind.
Whatever it is, I am deeply honoured to have all of you who read this, and it always warms my heart to hear from you, whether it is to respond with your thoughts, or just to check in.
James
Only adapt to the negative.
Walking into a mall now feels normal again. Its hard to believe that just a few weeks ago, we had to go through those hair-pulling safe entry gateways and walk circles around buildings due to entry controls. Yet, just somewhere in those few weeks ago, it also felt normal to be tapping our phones and scanning QR codes everywhere we went.
Humans are adaptable creatures. Once we come to terms, it doesn’t take too long for us to get used to a new routine or change in circumstances.
We adapt so well that we even adapt to good things until they cease to be good. There’s a concept in psychology called Hedonistic Adaptation (or the Hedonic Treadmill), that regardless of the good or bad things that happen to us, we naturally return to a baseline level of happiness.
This is a problem when we start setting conditions for our happiness. I might think I need to get my dream job or house, or find love, to be happy. When I finally achieve these, the happiness is only momentarily, then fading back into the baseline. If I was not satisfied with the baseline, then I will continue to be left unsatisfied. I’ll need to then add more goals to feel happy again. The higher this tower of things I need for happiness piles up, the easier it is to topple.
The reverse then applies for unhappy things. Our ability to adapt helps us bounce back from setbacks or get used to inconvenience. Its tempting to react impulsively when things go wrong, but give some time to adapt, and you might realise that things aren’t so bad. I felt this in the first few months after Levi was born, night feeds were taking a toll on my sleep. But day by day, the frustration waned and it was getting easier. My body and mind could adapt.
The funny thing about us humans is that despite being adaptable, we are also resistant to change. Perhaps its an important defense mechanism, to protect ourselves against being forced by others to change, to aggressively defend a status quo that is working for us. An external observer to our resistance might think that we would break down on the smallest change in circumstances.
I think the key to adaptation is acceptance. We must be accept or at least be resigned to the change, before our bodies can start the process of adapting. Naturally, we are less likely to accept when change that is bad, and quicker to accept change to our benefit. The problem then is that we don’t adapt to our problems, but adapt to our fortunes or achievements, and then feel dissatisfied with them.
Perhaps we can do better if we try to do the reverse. We can fight our nature and choose to accept our difficult circumstances, allowing ourselves to adapt to them and minimise the damage. We also refuse to see our good fortunes as constants in life, always being mindful of their existence and being grateful of them.
I’m trying to internalise this myself right now too. The past few weeks found out family with a chain of health issues. Each time we think we are going back to normalcy, something new comes up. My plans of enjoying a break are replaced with cancelling plans, complicated childcare arrangements, and making judgement calls on what’s best to do for our kids. I’m trying to remind myself not to give into the temptation to get upset or frustrated. Instead of resisting, if I accept that this is part of the challenge of life, the sooner I can adapt. Its also easy to overlook all the small wins during a tough time. At least the problems are solvable, I managed to spend time with the kids, and still did get some of my own development done, just not as much as I had planned. Keeping these in focus rather than taking them for granted truly helps my perspective and realising that i’m still surviving alright.
The only certainty is that change is inevitable. We can take heart that our species, if built for anything, was built for change. We naturally have the power to adapt, and it is up to us to use it in the most efficient way for ourselves.
What are your thoughts on change? Do you think we should resist it? Or simply flow with it? How do you manage change?
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
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Take care and have a good week!
James