Welcome to Ideothetic Flow! A passion project where I share my reflections on being a better person and building a kinder world.
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Hi!
How exactly does one be kind? A recent article I read had a good answer. Kindness is measured by the benefit of doubt. When we assume that others have positive intentions, and act consistently, we will be kind. Conversely, when we imagine that they have negative intentions, our behavior to them will be guarded, selfish, and aggressive.
A kinder world is one where the benefit of doubt is the default. Believing there is a justification when those around us cause inconvenience or need help, or that others are not out to hurt you. A stranger who asks for some money on the street is not out to cheat you. The waitress who forgot your order is probably overworked. The friend who forgot to call still does care.
During a break at work last week, I checked twitter and saw a post urgently asking for funds. A family was struggling to meet its mortgage payments and at risk of losing their home. A part of me wanted to offer some help. Another part of me was skeptical. This was an unofficial channel, I could donate to a charity instead. What if this was a scam? Could they end up exploiting my identity if I reached out? Is this person truly in need? I don’t know how easy it is to have a home seized, especially a HDB one, and perhaps their predicament was self caused.
Giving the benefit of doubt is not easy. Our survival instincts assume negative intent because we need to protect ourselves from harm. Whenever we give the benefit of doubt, we make ourselves vulnerable. To spread kindness, we need to be comfortable with this vulnerability.
I think there are two ways we can get more comfortable.
First, recognising that most people are simply trying to get by in a world that is difficult, fast-paced, and filled with distractions. We are already lucky that in this part of the world, “dangerous” is not added to that mix. The average person is not looking for absolute power or tremendous wealth. Even when they do, it is more likely the fault of the kind of economy we have which creates those desires in people to fuel its growth. We are far more likely to have our kindness appreciated than our vulnerability exploited.
Second, to improve ourselves. Those of us in stable situations financially, physically, or emotionally, we have a duty to use that additional space to work on building our own resilience. I can build up more spare resources so that I have more to give others. Learn to safeguard myself, how to spot a scam, how to protect my personal information from being misused. Reduce my reliance on this stability, by keeping life simple, having as little to lose as possible.
I thought back about that call for help. If it was fake, how much could I lose? I might not even notice. If it were real, a donation could do so much to take away some of that pain of trying to get by, some of that stress of trying to survive.
I hope that if you come across the chance to give someone the benefit of doubt, you make that choice to do so.
Have a good week!
James
Thanks for reading! I do hope to hear about your thoughts or ideas!
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