Must we be perfect before we can speak up?
A culture crisis at Basecamp. Happy birthday Alcina! Child car seats
Welcome to Ideothetic Flow! A passion project where I share my reflections on being a better person and building a kinder world.
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Personal updates
Happy birthday wife!
It was Alcina’s birthday this Monday so we have been celebrating with a medley of restaurant bookings.
I don’t need to talk about how capable my wife is. She’s constantly balancing her life as a rising star disputes lawyer while being a mother of an insomniac toddler, sourdough starter mum, pawrent of a noisy cat, gardener of more plants than can fit our house, and wife of a very difficult enneagram type 6 who overthinks too much and constantly puts other commitments ahead of her.
Happy birthday Alcina, Joy and I thank you for making our little family’s life better by planning outings and events, reading up on how to parent better, and starting various home improvement projects.
Child car seats are important
My most recent project is helping out MP Louis Ng with an adjournment motion asking for greater access to child car seats in Singapore.
I’ve never gotten involved in such things before and it has been a great learning experience about local politics, and I did feel some fulfilment in trying to raise awareness on an important issue.
Do check out his introductory video on the issue here.
If this something that interests or affects you, whether or not you agree or disagree, please share your thoughts or post them on social media, and also do help to spread the word. I also encourage you to share your thoughts with your own MP so that they are aware of what regular folks like us are thinking about these issues, and can hopefully raise them in parliament.
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Must we be perfect before we can speak up?
Recently, there was a culture crisis at Basecamp. It started off with a controversial policy banning socio-political conversations at work. It let to great division both in the company and outside it, and a large number of employees quit.
Basecamp and its founders are outspoken and critical about how to run a business. This also holds them to a higher standard.
I wonder, if it were a more mercenary company, acting out of self interest and profit, would I have cared? Would it have been newsworthy? For this to happen with someone critical of others is like a fall from grace. Outsiders are quick to tear them apart. Those who originally supported them are shattered.
This made me think about how difficult it feels to ask for a better world. Speaking up or asking for change makes one vulnerable. Suddenly small flaws and inconsistencies can be attacked, and legitimacy questioned. Those who speak up become vulnerable.
I had a friend who worked on an environmental project recently who had to give a presentation. Her voice was muffled through her mask, but she had to reject the offer of a disposable mask, because it would make her look bad optically.
This comic comes to mind:
I think about my own inconsistencies. I think caring for the environment is important, but still drive a car and enjoy eating imported sushi. I find the world economy flawed, yet I participate in is - working a corporate job, investing in capital, and using leverage to own a home. I still play league of legends despite allegations of sexual harassment in their company culture. If I were to comment on any of these issues, it would be quite easy to say I have no right to speak.
Being self reflective is definitely important and contributes to the thought process. Acting consistently with our beliefs too, it shows conviction to the cause and builds legitimacy. However, there are limits to this and it cannot be taken to an extreme.
Expecting perfection and being too critical is a barrier to positive change. Those who are interested in preserving the status quo can then easily dismiss calls for change. People become afraid to speak up. Bad practices go on unchecked and can even get worse.
When helping out on this car seat project. It felt like any idea or proposal must be flawless. If If there is any small cost, or any group that might have to change their habits, it could be enough to disregard the proposal altogether. However, no perfect solution exists. But that should not mean that we keep the imperfect status quo. We should instead work towards incremental improvement.
Expecting perfection and fixating on flaws is asking the question - why should I disagree with this? This only serves to entrench positions further rather than have progress. I think it is more constructive to view things more like a profit statement: On balance, does this do more good than bad? Are there better reasons to agree or disagree? Does this give more to the world than it takes? This recognises that everything is multifaceted, there is good and bad, and aims for forward momentum.
There is a lesson in this for my own life too. I tend to hold all parts of my life to this impossible aim of perfection. I feel troubled when there is a bad day in my marriage, when my friends and I disagree, when I am frustrated or feeling unfulfilled at work, or even if I lose a game. I am expecting too much of all these things, and being overly affected when they are not flawless. I ought to apply this when evaluating my own life too. To ask if things are positive rather than asking if they are perfect. To let go of individual flaws, but to view things as a whole.
Thanks for reading! I do hope to hear about your thoughts or ideas!
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