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Wow, it’s already September. I’m curious how all of you are intending to use the last 4 months leading up to the end of the year. Are there goals you had set and are now trying to finish? Did things change for you over the year and you have something new to focus on? Or, are you planning to take it easy and enjoy the rest of the year? Drop me a reply to share!
Letting go of past memories
For myself, I’ll be busy getting ready to welcome baby Levi into the world. Part of this involves clearing our study to become his nursery. With one less room to store things, there’s no way to relocate everything and I begin the both dreaded and somewhat cathartic process of throwing things away.
Some things are hard to throw away not because I might need them later, but because they are imbued with memories, and represent parts of me. I can’t simply buy them again later. Amongst those things I dug out were some of my first fantasy books, old guitar and band scores, board games I no longer play, various gifts from friends and family.
Without them, I am not sure if I will still be able to recallthose memories. If I were to get rid of them, would I be actively killing off parts of myself? After all, what am I if not the sum of our memories?
I’ve read that memory is not an issue of space though. Our brains are capable of storing all our experiences in a lifetime. Our problem is in recalling things at the right time. Instead they come by at the strangest of moments, like recalling some obscure event from my childhood just before bed, or suddenly to remember what happened in some story I read years ago.
So, getting rid of these objects may not be as destructive to myself as it seems. My present self is not made up of individual memories, by is an amalgamation of all past experiences, into my identity in the present. It does not matter if I recall them precisely. I don’t need to preserve it by storing and representing those memories in inanimate objects.
Why do I feel a need to keep these symbols of the past though?
There is comfort in past memories. They are certain. I know they have happened and how they will play out. I can edit and ignore parts I dislike. There is a subconscious desire to want to keep a thread that leads back to those certain events, to escape from a future that is uncertain, one which I can screw up.
Much like these keepsakes take up space and use up energy to maintain, looking backwards too much might be keeping me from giving present moments my full attention. Once I’ve gotten comfortable with something, I might hesitate to take new risks. I avoid more difficult jobs, more difficult exercises, even more difficult games, to stick to the things I know I’ve done well before. Past regrets, such as guilt that I could have done more in my younger days, distorts my thinking, leaves me insecure, and makes me impatient about getting results.
Anchoring and symbolising my identity in objects and their past seems to be a manifestation of being held back. It distracts me from focusing on my present existence, and rooting things in the present. It creates a false comfort about who I am, rather than taking action. Keeping gifts from old friends but not putting in effort to connect to them. Keeping old books instead of making space to read new ones. Looking at old achievements rather than chasing new ones.
Keepsakes are still important. But not as some kind of symbol of identity. There are things I do keep. Wedding photos and trinkets from holidays which let me replay these happy moments in my mind. The happiness is not merely from the past, but because I am still interacting with them, still creating new memories with them. Having keepsakes like these inspire me to put in effort rather than hold me back.
But, for most of the things I am throwing out, I have already left that life behind. I only think of them when I see these inanimate objects. I wouldn’t remember missing them when the objects are gone anyway.
Thinking through these leave me more confident about clearing out past things, and making more space in my life. I worry less about each of these individual memories or the objects that represent them, and instead focus on how they amalgamate into myself in the present, and make that manifestation one that is positive for me and those around me.
Other things…
Validation is for parking
Loved this very direct reminder not to wait for anyone else to give permission to what you want.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
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Take care and have a good week!
James