Welcome to Ideothetic Flow, my newsletter sharing my reflections on finding balance, sufficiency, and security.
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Hi!
How has 2024 started for you? My year started with work picking up again, a reservist cycle, and an office retreat to set our goals for the year. I'm also bracing for the next few weeks to be busy as Alci goes to trial, followed with the combined madness of family events for Chinese new year and both the kids’ birthdays.
Is society losing tolerance?
Over the last few weeks, a number of articles around the use of public spaces caught my eye. They talked about neighborhoods putting up restrictions to play, closing street soccer courts and keeping children out of void decks, as residents had complained about the noise.
Maybe I didn't know about it, but when I was younger, I never felt like complaints were acted on so swiftly and effectively. Perhaps these complaints were justified. I understand it is distressing not to have peace at home, or challenges with working at home or having young children. But, I wonder if we are starting to expect this peace to an unreasonable extent, expect everyone to live their lives with a wide berth around us, and cannot tolerate any inconvenience.
I felt this when I was in Korea. Anyone asking how the trip went would likely hear from me about how it was challenging to deal with Levi. Close to 2 years old, he's active and inquisitive. He wants to interact with the world around him - touching Christmas baubles, things in shops, playing with furniture, or whatever else is in the area.
I want my kids to be considerate, and I try my best to step in whenever there is any risk he might damage anything or make a mess. But, where it's relatively harmless, I'd hope they have the chance to exercise curiosity, test boundaries, and find ways to entertain themselves, rather than needing to blank their minds with a device because people around cannot handle some activity by a child.
I worry that we are not only becoming less tolerant, we are expecting the state to help us manage that intolerance. We want the authorities to step in, to board up soccer courts and void decks, to keep people away from public space. It becomes an issue of power, because such things only happen to those who have less means to be heard like children. While those who have some ability to challenge the system would be left alone.
Worst, those who have absolutely no consideration for others are untouched. We hear stories of neighbours whose actions border on harm and harassment. Even where authorities step in, they are defiant and continue. Against someone who is truly inconsiderate, nothing can be done. We are getting the enforcement wrong. We should bring full power against the worst actors, and give more space to the minor problems.
A good society is one where people are considerate to one another. For that, we first need a tolerant one. No person can be perfectly considerate for those around them, friction is a given for existence in a densely packed group. If we were to be chastised despite fair efforts to look out for others, then why not go to the other extreme and not bother at all.
Tolerance is not just that we don't respond or complain when something inconveniences us. We might choose not to scold someone because of inertia or fear rather than tolerance. Tolerance is the absence of reaction, the ability to suffer an inconvenience and not be bothered by it. We teach kids in school how to be considerate, but no one really teaches tolerance - how to cultivate the ability to, simply let things pass by.
Maybe that is because intolerance is a privilege. You can't be intolerant when basic needs are not met. When there are no proper roofs over the head, property to own, or authorities to enforce these boundaries. Imagine being OCD or a clean freak in a warzone or wasteland. Tolerance is necessary in those cases for survival. If we want to develop further as a race, then we must learn to manage the privilege of being more developed.
How could one build tolerance? I think there’s two mindset shifts that may help. First, realising that life is not meant to be without inconvenience or suffering, that we have no right to a perfect life. Second, to be grateful that, within this imperfect life, living in a group has made it less imperfect. Many of the comforts we have only exist because we live in a society and collaborate.
Searching for a new project
Last year I made an offer for conversation, which was quite rarely picked up, but I supposed that is to be expected in Singapore. For now I'm thinking of what offer I can make this year instead that might be of value to you - feel free to send me suggestions!
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
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Take care and have a good week!
James