Accepting that I can't control the future.
Near misses.
Welcome to Ideothetic Flow, my newsletter sharing my reflections on finding balance, sufficiency, and security.
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Hi!
We had a number of near misses the last few weeks. Joy running across a carpark suddenly as a car approached. Levi nearly swallowing an earring. A minor car accident. A glass panel at home shattering.
These were scary, and for some, involved alot of hassle to clean up, which we already have limited bandwidth to manage. At the same time, we can’t help but feel lucky that no one was hurt.
It’s a reminder that I only control a very small sphere of my existence. Everything else is up to the whims of the world around me and the decisions of others.
Where I am today, even the fact that I am still alive, is a culmination of a chain of events which I had no real way to predict the outcome.
Yet our lives are filled with constant planning for an optimised future. We enjoy a narrative where life is a result of deliberate choices, avoiding the truth that so much of is out of our hands.
There is a tension in that, we can’t live without one eye to the future. Things don’t fall out of the sky. If we don’t lay the right conditions for something. It can never happen. Good planning is necessary for good outcomes.
The problem happens when we fixate on those plans. We worry at the slightest hint that things may deviate. We fight back and try to force our intended path to manifest. Often to no avail or to our own harm.
Even if our envisioned future materialises, we aren’ satisfied, because chasing the future is impossible. As we achieve one future, we continue to look to the next one.
I’m trying to learn to accept the lack of control. To learn not to mind what happens next. That happiness depends less on specific future outcomes and more of having done the best I could in the moment, without regrets.
Its even more important now that i’m somewhat responsible for the futures of two others, with far more potential than me. It’s hard to avoid thinking about academics, classes, character building, and setting them up for the future. Joy often bugs me to carry her whenever she's getting tired. I could worry about how I might be overindulging her and possibly wasting a lesson on discipline. Or, I could enjoy that moment of getting to carry my little girl.
Other things…
Since i’ve been busy, I haven’t had time to find other ideas worth sharing. But, in my little free time, i’ve managed to squeeze in some good quality leisure.
Sengkang Floating Wetlands
Joy and I went for a long walk to the Sengkang Floating Wetlands. One of those times I end up carrying her half the journey.
I managed to squeeze in a first session of Oath. Its supposed to take 2 hours but we took 6, and I blame the rulebook for being overly complex. That aside, its an interesting game that tries to find the right complexity and pace for a political game, with alot of storytelling potential. I’m looking forward to my next session, whenever that is.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation, or simply connect over a chat. You can reply this email, leave a comment, or reach me at jameschanwz@hey.com.
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Take care and have a good week!
James