Giving better advice - the disconnect between advice seekers and advice givers
Ideothetic Flow
Hi!
We constantly alternate between the position of advice giver or advice seeker (whether or not solicited). We could, in the morning, be giving input to a co-worker about a presentation, asking a friend for weight-loss tips over lunch, giving a spouse pointers on how to deal with a nasty boss, while our own parents nag us about something we have not done. Strangely, despite the amount of experience we have in both positions, it seems humans are generally bad at giving advice.
How to Give Better Advice, by Francesca Gino of Scientific American, describes several problems of advice givers based on research and anecdotal evidence, of which I think these two are particularly interesting:
1. Those giving advice often focus on the benefits of the advice rather than the costs. Proposed solutions might, viewed logically, lead to the problem being solved. However, there is no analysis of what happens if the solution backfires, or the amount of work that is needed to properly carry out the solution. For example, asking my boss for a view might lead to a suggestion that involves an additional day of work.
2. The advice giver may not follow the advice they give. Rather than giving what is practical, advice givers are likely to offer solutions that are "socially acceptable", even if they themselves, if faced with the same problem, do not follow it. This can make it hard to expressly reject or challenge the advice.
The common thread is that, in reality, those giving advice rarely put themselves in the perspectives of the advice seeker, and thus do not give practical solutions. Even though these solutions are not useful, ignoring them likely comes with a cost. The advice giver may be someone we cannot ignore easily such as a superior, or face backlash from those with the benefit of hindsight - blaming you for acting in the face of advice. Worse still, the cost could be internal, the repeated inability to solve one's own problems despite "obvious" solutions, causes one to question if they are the ones inherently flawed. I used to read a number of finance blogs to get ideas on how to save money and work towards my (hopefully) earlier retirement. I realised after awhile that, while the information inside was usually relevant, I felt incompetent and undisciplined from being unable to maximise every single cent with the same efficiency.
Yet, people usually ask others for advice to try and seek external validation for their decisions. I think there is a very difficult balance to of having the right amount of self-confidence in our own decisions, and the humility to seek guidance and conflicting views, which I would like to work towards for myself. Ideally, we could all be more discerning with who we approach for help, and ourselves more conscious of what we tell others.
Have a great week ahead!
James
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Modern culture, media, and technology, for all their benefits, have distorted the view of a complete and happy life. The ideas I share are those which have helped me gain a deeper understanding of my own identity and circumstances, and inspire change towards a happier life, and I hope they will do the same for anyone else who reads this.
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