People do not notice you as much as you think - The Spotlight Effect
Ideothetic Flow
Hi everyone!
This week, I have another cognitive / psychological bias to share: The Spotlight Effect - where we mistakenly think the spotlight of attention is constantly on us. Psychologists have found that we tend to overestimate how much we are noticed by others. This happens because we are fully aware of our own actions, and assume that everyone else is equally aware of them. In truth, because everyone is focusing so much on themselves, they are less likely to pay attention to others. You can read more about it at "Have You Fallen Prey to the Spotlight Effect", Amie M. Gordon or "The Spotlight Effect: Why No One Else Remembers What You Did", Louis Chew
This tells us not to be too worried about embarrassing moments as those who saw them are unlikely to remember them well. There is no need to waste energy fretting over doing something silly, or making a fool of oneself. This is something I need to learn. I am very easily embarrassed and do not know how to deal with it. If I do something silly, I will end up replaying the moment in my head for several days. I thus try my best to play it safe and stay unnoticed unless I am really sure of what I am doing.
Getting used to embarrassing myself is something I am actively trying to do this year. Knowing about the Spotlight Effect lets me tell myself that I do not need to worry about looking stupid in front of others, it will quickly be forgotten anyway. I want to get used to putting myself out there, perhaps even deliberately putting myself in an embarrassing position, to get used to the feeling. I think this is important so that, when the time comes where I may risk ridicule doing something important, I can push away any worries about how others perceive me, and act decisively; or, to let me quickly recover myself after an embarrassing moment or a mistake.
I also think there is more to explore about the Spotlight Effect, such as its relationship with social media, or where our actions have a direct impact on others. Perhaps a topic for another day, or a full discussion in itself. The research it is based on is quite simplistic and more experiments can be attempted in different contexts and using new technology.
Do share with me if any of you have experiences of the Spotlight Effect in your own lives. Also, for those who meet me, if you see me being passive, do remind me of my aim and challenge me to do something wild for a change.
Hope you have a great week ahead!
James
ABOUT
Ideothetic Flow is a fortnightly newsletter where I reflect on insights that I have found useful in rethinking life in a more realistic way.
Modern culture, media, and technology, for all their benefits, have distorted the view of a complete and happy life. The ideas I share are those which have helped me gain a deeper understanding of my own identity and circumstances, and inspire change towards a happier life, and I hope they will do the same for anyone else who reads this.
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