I'm growing older, but I feel more potential to grow than before
I want to first share the 2020 Ultimate Guide to Singapore Hotels written by my friend @Larvitar (do check him out on IG). The amazing quality reflects the amount of passion and effort he is put into this. Although it is not the time for a holiday or a staycation right now, this guide is a reminder to us of happier times, and inspiration for the better future that will come back if we put in the effort to get through this as soon as possible. I hope it gives you all an insight into the vibrant hotel scene in Singapore, one that is suffering dearly in the Covid crisis, and encourages you to direct your wanderlust into our own backyard. For those of you reading from overseas, perhaps this will give you even more reason to come and visit us here some day.
Hi!
I turn 32 in a few days time. While I do not think my birthday is important, I enjoy it for the excuse to splurge on good meals with those that matter to me. Unfortunately, this year, it will be put on hold while we all stay home.
I have been thinking abit about growing older. Entering my 30s, the spotlight of youth is no longer on me. I am no longer in that time when I am supposedly in my prime, told that it is the time to do great things. Growth and achievements are highlighted, not just for what you are achieving now, but to cement an identity for greater things later.
Looking back, this same spotlight left a cloud around me in my 20s. I am not talented. I am neither good at sports, music, socialising, or even gaming. Luckily, I was at least decent in school. By my 20s I questioned whether I had achieved anything. I worried that I had wasted my prime years, and was now set for stagnation down the road. Like a self-fulfulling prophecy, these thoughts held me back from properly pursuing my own passions in those years, as I worried about what was correct, important, or necessary for success.
It is rare to hear about being able to get better and change yourself in your 30s. In fact, it is more common to hear that seniors still have the opportunity to learn a new skill or modernize themselves. Looking from outside, the 30s feel like a period of stasis, determined by what you had done before. Can I learn a new skill? Try a new career? Find a new passion? Change who I am? Caught between sunk costs in my existing life, and a weakening physical body, all these seem impossible. Worse still, it seems all there is, is to work on the existing career.
I realise these are invisible barriers. There is no set time to redefine ourselves. In the past 2 years, I feel like I truly started to understand myself better, and feel like I am making more progress than ever. I pour my focus in my hobbies without worrying about what I "should" be doing, or what I need to achieve. In the past year, I got promoted in both Wing Chun and Muay Thai, and feel more competent and mature as a martial artist. My thoughts have sharpened since starting this newsletter. My approach to work has found its own character. Even my gaming has improved. I still feel like there is still room for me to do better, and to get somewhere significant.
Of course physically I am much weaker than before (yet I suspect this is also the best shape I have been in - go find a secondary school photo of me to understand why). Life is busier too. But, obstacles exist in all things, and now I feel more comfortable to work around or accept them rather than surrender to them.
More importantly, I may be older, but I surely feel happier. A younger version of me would have worried that I did not set up conditions for a perfect future, one with an amazing career, winning awards, or what other false external markers of success we are told to chase. Now, I feel no need to worry about trying to make the future brighter. I am grateful for who and what I have around me today, not to even worry about trying to make the future any brighter. It may have taken some time, but I think I have started to find myself.
To Joy,
I hope you will come to this same assurance earlier than I did. If there is anything I want to do for you, it is to pass on my thoughts to you 31 years faster than it took me to realise them.
Stay safe everyone. We are entering more and more difficult periods in the fight against Covid. While we are all staying home, I do hope to stay connected with you all through these emails. Do share how you will be spending your time at home, and how your routines have changed. If any of you are experiencing any trouble, whether materially or emotionally, I am always available and willing to listen and try to help.
I also imagine many businesses are struggling at this time, and with that, their employees would be struggling even more. If you know any of these personally, or how we can help. Please let me know so I can share it here.
James
About Ideothetic Flow
Ideothetic Flow is a small passion project following my own thoughts about living life better and think of how we can be better human beings. Every 2 weeks I share something I find interesting, usually related to mental models which challenge common expectations or ideas.