What we can learn from Eskimos about controlling our anger
Hi!
In "How Inuit Parents Teach Kids to Control Their Anger", I read about how Inuit people have a culture of not showing their anger. This self-control is instilled into them from the time they are children. Their culture sees rage as a demeaning act, and worse still if that rage is expressed on a child. They do not shout and scold, instead using stories and drama to teach. Shouting only teaches the child to do the same when they grow up.
"For instance, one time someone knocked a boiling pot of tea across the igloo, damaging the ice floor. No one changed their expression. "Too bad," the offender said calmly and went to refill the teapot."
Anger and outrage is common in our culture. People get angry with their children, with service staff, fellow drivers or pedestrians. As we increase communications over the internet, it feels like there is always someone getting angry over a small disagreement with his or her world view. (My friend Louis had a great reflection on outrage, do check it out here)
Why does this happen? I think it is because anger gives an immediate reward. People fall in line, and we feel good about having scolded someone, or defending our point of view.
The costs are not directly felt. Decisions made in anger, or out of fear of someone else's anger, are rarely the best decisions. Relationships get hurt. People get stressed.
Worse still, it is a vicious cycle. Angry people create more stress for others, making them angry too. There is little immediate disincentive, and anger can even be seen as strength.
My take is that the Inuit people are on the right track in taking these active steps to reduce anger in their society. I believe that it is necessary for us to grow as a human race, to improve everyone's quality of life. It is not just about feeling good. If we are all making better decisions by staying calm, humanity's progress will also improve.
To try and embody the same change I ask here, I will commit to taking the inuit approach in raising Joy too.
I am curious to test the boundaries of this. Do let me know if you have ever had situations where being angry gave a better outcome than if you had stayed calm.
Have a great week ahead!
James
About Ideothetic Flow
Ideothetic Flow is a small passion project following my own thoughts about living life better. Every 2 weeks I share something I find interesting, usually related to mental models which challenge common expectations or ideas.